So Much Has Changed

Well, the camps have come and gone, and I cannot believe how much has changed in my life. Many of you, who know me personally, who have known me for any length of time, know that I plan on going to college for a degree in nursing. but at a camp way out in the middle of no where, I found that's not what God wants in my life.

Ever since I was small, I have wanted be a nurse, I have made plans for pursuing that, I have planned on going to college, I picked the college, all of it has been me. I told everyone I was going down to Pensacola Christian College to study Nursing, but ever since then, I've been having doubts. I kept praying and asking God to show me if that really was His will, but it just felt like my prayers were bouncing off the ceiling. There had been some things between us, but one night at camp, I got rid of those things, or purposed to get rid of them, and then I asked again.

And this time I got through and then and there, I found God's will. He came through loud and clear, and I knew what I wasn't supposed to do.

A lot of people have asked me, "So now what are you going to do?" I have to tell them I don't know yet, as for now, I am content knowing what I'm NOT supposed to do.

It's not that I am afraid of change, or of going to a college far away from everything I love, or that I'll be giving four years of my life to something, I'm not afraid of anything. Anything but getting out of God's will. Even after I told some people about my decision, they told me that I should go, just go. But the book of Ruth in the Bible kept coming to my mind. How Elimelech and Naomi took their two boys down to Moab, out of God's will. There, both Naomi's husband and her sons died in a strange land. What would have happened to me if I go down to Florida, against His will? It may not be death, but who knows. I'm not taking the chance.

It's not that I'll never, ever be going to college, it's just that right now I don't feel it's God's will. So until He gives me the Go-ahead, I'll just stay where I am.

I may have disappointed some people, and I may have shocked some, but let it be known that I am not here to cater to any one's will or what THEY want me to do.

Right after I had gotten saved, I told my parents that I thought the Lord might use me to be a preacher's wife. But I had gotten so caught up in doing my own thing, that I lost sight of that. And recently, I have been praying more and more about that. We were at a camp meeting and a preacher asked how many of us girls thought that we might someday be used of God as preacher's wives, and I stood up. I don't know for sure, but if I am to be used of God that way, I want to be ready.

Please, all of you who read this, please pray that I would have God's hand upon me.